According to Manya Wakefield of Narc Abuse Rehab & expert Dr. Thomas Franklin, MD a pyschiatrist & psychoanalyst:
The cycle of narcissistic abuse is a pattern of harmful behaviors used by one person to manipulate and exploit another.
Moreover, while specific motives may differ among perpetrators, common objectives involve asserting power, exercising control, and fulfilling narcissistic desires.
As I've stated previously, I'm not a mental health expert. I only have a layman's understanding of topics such as these. However, I have been subject to emotional abuse which is precisely what this is. I don't believe my father was a full-blown narcissis but he certainly had some of the same tendencies. My mother was my sister's & mine saving grace. I will be forever grateful.
I think control was the main objective growing up. My parents were married in 1961 so my mother was in some ways a typical 60's housewife but she had a rebelious streak. She treated my sister and I as our own people, not as posessions. Our needs were always greater than hers. My dad thought his needs trumped all and my mother struggled to keep that from overwhelming us. She did the best she could and it shows in how I treat my own child. He amazes me every day!
Doing research such as this is mentally & emotionally taxing as well as somewhat triggering. I believe it's important, though, so I carry on. Speaking of, let's do that.
“The narcissistic abuse cycle often involves idealization and devaluation, which becomes chronic. Ultimately it leads to discarding the person that has been wrung out and is no longer the new shiny object that made the narcissist feel special in the first place. Often these chaotic, aggressive relationships involve other character pathology, including borderline and sociopathy.” - Dr. Thomas Franklin
Being considered the best thing than sliced bread alternated with the muck on someone's shoe is a familiar pattern to me. It fosters a sense of unease that seems to only be alleviated by awaiting a turn of the cycle. It takes a bit for the idea to set in that even when turned, the "idealization" won't last. And, indeed, seems to endure for a shorter period each time.
When dealing with someone who has these traits, once see the pattern, you understand that it really isn't you, it's them. However, if you're dealing with someone who has a true personality disorder, it can be difficult to see them for who they really are. I believe leaving is the only option, which is did precisly what I did when I left Popcorned Planet. At the time it was more that I simply didn't have the patience to deal with Andy's "moods." And I didn't like how my friends were being treated.
Idealization is the initial stage of the narcissistic abuse cycle.
It sees the perpetrator meticulously weaves a deceitful web to ensnare their unsuspecting prey. The victim is lavished with attention, charm, and performative devotion. They are beguiled by a symphony of compliments and promises. The perpetrator uses a tactic called future faking to paint an idyllic picture of a secure and ideal union. The victim is seduced and placed on a high pedestal where they are touted as the center of the perpetrator’s universe. The victim feels seen, heard, and treasured. Their dreams are seemingly fulfilled.
The more narcissistic someone is, the more they are prone to see people as objects. Consequently, during the love bombing stage, perpetrators of narcissistic abuse view and treat their victims as a positive object and hold them in high regard.
Back in Sept of 2021, when I stumbled across Popcorned Planet, Andy was still trying to build his channel, having changed the format from mostly movie talk to more about pop culture. Although I don't think the man cares about any of the subjects he live-streams about, he painted a pretty picture when I was there. Pretty enough that I volunteered to work on his headlines team. I was intrigued by learning more about how YouTube works and how to cultivate stories. And about being part of a community of people comprised of survivors of trauma and abuse. Talk about feeling "seen & heard." The "treasured" part came more from Will Morris, Andy's head mod, especially when he talked me up leading to my being bestowed moderator status.
At the time, I thought the problem was more that Andy wasn't controlling his head mods or was directing them to destablize the community. That he didn't want the rest of us mods to get too comfy. And who knows, maybe he was. Perhaps Will & a few others, including co-hosts/commentators on PCP, were what is termed as the narcissist's flying monkeys.
A narcissist might use their friends or family—or even yours—as spies, or to spread rumors, making them act as substitutes for themselves.
Signs Someone Is a Flying Monkey
- They side with the narcissist no matter the situation or evidence presented to them
- They spread gossip or rumors about you
- They gaslight or manipulate you
- They dismiss or trivialize your feelings
- They pass on information about you to help the narcissist harass you
- Flying monkeys could be friends or associates of the narcissist, friends or associates of you, or people you think of as authority figures.
Exhibit one: one
Luis Lecca of Nerd Report just loves to call my friends and I "ugly" and claims he knew we were bad seeds, saw us coming from a mile away and booted us from the community. No, you sad little man, you did not. WE saw who you & Andy et al were and LEFT. But keep telling yourself that.
Common Manipulation Tactics During Idealization
- Counterfeit concern. The perpetrator will deceptively display care or empathy for the victim, to gain trust, control, or to further their personal agenda.
- Data Mining. Victims often experience perpetrators expressing an unusual level of interest and curiosity in their preferences, dreams, and goals, as the perpetrators gather information to uncover their wants, needs, and vulnerabilities. This data mining enables the perpetrators to gain insights into the victim’s characteristics, strengths, weaknesses, and intentions, shaping their seduction strategy based on what they learn.
- False Self. Based of the information collected by data mining and mirroring, the perpetrator constructs an alter ego to reflect the victim’s ideal partner. It involves presenting a façade or mask that differs from the perpetrator’s authentic self. Moreover, it is used to gain acceptance by camouflaging the perpetrator’s predatory nature.
- Future faking. The victim is given false promises or commitments by the perpetrator about an idealized future to gain their trust or keep the victim invested. The perpetrator paints a picture a positive vision of what’s to come, but with no genuine intention of following through.
- Love bombing. The victim is placed on a figurative pedestal by the perpetrator, who manipulates them into believing that they are soul mates, twin flames, or kindred spirits with intense and relentless attention. The victim is showered with flamboyant displays of adoration and flattery. The victim’s wants and needs are recognized and attended to causing them to become emotionally dependent on the perpetrator. The aim of love bombing is to gain the victim’s trust, lower defenses, and establish an intense connection. The behavior is akin to the deliberate fattening of livestock prior to their eventual slaughter.
- Mirroring. In the context of narcissistic abuse, the victim’s words, actions, body language, and behaviors are imitated by the perpetrator. The purpose of the mirroring tactic is to cause the victim to feel strongly identified with the perpetrator, who essentially reflecting the victim’s winning qualities back to them to invoke familiarity. Mirroring rapidly establishes rapport, builds trust, and create a sense of connection between people. It fosters a sense of unity and understanding between the victim and the perpetrator.
- Pathological lying. Perpetrators are prone to compulsive deception. Their deceptions are invariably self-enhancing. They lie to manipulate others and to lull any suspicions to sleep. Lies are the foundation of the false persona they create to seduce the victim. For example, they may invent a false narrative about their past and claim to be have been victimized themselves at some point.
I think the only traits I was subjected to were the "false self" a tiny bit of "love bombing" and a heap of "pathological lying." Andy's facade is evident in every single live stream/video he does, IMO. As I said above, I don't think he cares about any topic he opines on. Except for the amount of clicks, clout and cash he can foster. When I expressed my dismay about certain things occuring in the community, Andy spent about a week telling me that he "apprecated" me. Since then, it's been nothing but lies about me, about my friends, about the whole situation.
Stay tuned, we still have 3 more phases to cover! Video out soon!
